work life -- the weekend beckons

Thursday. Last day of the week. A hard week with more headache than not, and less sleep than I need, and nothing whatsoever accomplished in my brief evenings. It's been very busy all week as we prepare for a weekend conference (where my boss now is), and now I have nothing to do besides learning background stuff (an important, but soporific activity).

On Monday evening I did drag my exhausted body to the gym only because it had been over a week and I convinced myself I'm MORE tired because I don't go. It was okay, but I couldn't do it again this week.

And then in the wee hours of Wednesday I had an awful dream of my daughter trying to push her bike uphill and falling backwards, with the bike, into a deep pit where I couldn't get to her or even see if she was still alive. I screamed for help but no one was around. It woke me up and I couldn't get back to sleep. It was 4:45 am. Then I had to sit through a deadly strategy presentation with a the whole department (about 50 people in the audience) from 11 to 1, and used the time for a catnap. I haven't been this tired for a long time.

Wouldn't be surprised if lack of sleep has something to do with the headaches. Meanwhile, I saw the doctor on Tuesday after work, and that was a bitterly disappointing waste of precious time. All I got was the now-robotic party line about estrogen therapy causing breast cancer and heart disease, as if there was only one possible way to ever see anything. Doctors can be the most small-headed, narrow-minded people on the planet. She has absolutely nothing to offer me except more pills -- as if THEY're not poison!!! I can't even talk about how much it revolts me that they don't appear the slightest bit interested in keeping up with new research or trying a new approach. She would have been more than happy to write me a script for Prozac though!

I reluctantly took the referral she gave me for a neurologist and made an appointment for next month. I'm not optimistic, but at least a neurologist might have a slightly broader arsenal than headache pills or SSRIs.

Trying to get to things that require hours not at work, I've also made appointments for tomorrow to get my teeth cleaned and hair cut, since my hair looks like a fright wig. I'm sick of how I look, my wardrobe sucks, and I now have an extra two kilos of protruding belly as well.

And all I can think of is how I squandered all that lovely unemployment time I had, just sitting and reading Webbage all day long instead of accomplishing something with my life. The time always flew by when I wasn't working, but now I see how much I had and didn't fully appreciate.

Yes, I know I sound very blah, but the main problem here, I think, is that I didn't get to recharge last weekend. Now it's sunny outside though, and by the time anyone reads this, the day will be over and I'll be in a much better mood.