giddy-up

Continuing in my quest for satisfactory remuneration for my life of wage slavery, I pursued a childhood dream today and booked all three of us (mr., ms., and 12-yr-old ms. squarepeg) for a private riding lesson.

Riding lessons always sounded to me like something only rich people did -- like skiing -- not something that anyone in my family would ever do. In fact, the only time I've ever been on a horse was once or twice at summer camp as a kid, for like 10 minutes, and the time I went on an organized trip to Petra, Jordan with the company I worked for, and they put us on horses to do a half-hour trip from the bus to the to the ancient city's entrance. But I've always loved them, and wished for the ability to ride. Judging by how hard it was to hoist myself up into the saddle (vastly contrasting experience from the picture in my head), it may be too late for me.

I went straight from work and the sun was setting as I met mr. and li'l ms. there at the local "ranch" at 6pm. It's ridiculously convenient, right on the edge of town, walking distance from the kid's school. We were all told to don riding helmets, and I got to go first.

We each got half an hour. Here's how it went: I approached the horse, picturing myself stepping into the stirrup and gracefully swinging my leg up and over his back and settling lightly into the saddle. Reality: I needed help getting my foot up to the stirrup, then only got myself halfway up before needing all my arm and shoulder strength to make it the rest of the way. Grunting, I pulled a muscle (ligament?) in the area of my back shoulder (trapezius?) and spend the first five minutes of the lesson trying to deeply massage it before the pain set in permanently. It was fine after a while, but I could still use a massage if anyone's in the neighbourhood. The teacher spent the next ten minutes making me do what seemed like trust exercises: feet out of stirrups, hands off the reins, I was told to swing my arms around, then lean over the horse and hug his neck till my hands met underneath, then lean back and touch his tail (do you have any idea how far that is from the saddle? I didn't manage it; it would have involved actually laying down backward on the horse). Then, leading me to believe she thought I'd signed up for circus training, she told me to turn around in the saddle. That is: swing my leg over so I'm sitting side-saddle, keep turning and swing the other leg around to the other side so I'm now sitting backward, then continue like that till I'm sitting right again. This proved to be much easier than touching his tail.

Then she told me to do it while the horse was walking! I got halfway round and refused to continue until the horse was standing still. A half hour later, though, I watched my daughter do it with no problem (she told me later she was scared stiff, but she tends to be very obedient with strangers). The next part was even more difficult: I think it's called posting, but anyone who's reading is welcome to correct me. The horse starts trotting and bouncing your butt (feels more like slamming your butt) on the saddle, and you're supposed to raise yourself gently up and down with his trotting motion. But without using your hands. This means you push yourself up with your knees and hips and muscles you probably haven't used since childhood even if you are a regular gym-goer. Up-down, up-down, up-down, oy-my-knees! Again, my daughter proved to be much more adept with her decades-younger bod.

And how did the mr. do? More or less like me, but didn't complain about any pain. It was good to see him doing something physical for a change. He hasn't hit the gym in months and is getting very out-of-shape.

So the bottom line is, the kid enjoyed it and we'll take her back. True, it's pretty expensive -- 79 shekels (about C$20) for a private lesson, but she only needs about 3 of those and then the hour-long group lessons are 70 sh. each time. It adds up. But, as I said, what use is wage slavery if you can't splurge on actualizing your dreams?

Although, considering the stress to my knees, watching my kid actualize them is good enough for me.