no sex + parking = relief

And now from the ridiculous to the sublime (you decide):

Large-ish (i.e. not tiny) ad in today's (English) Haaretz newspaper under the heading "Alternative Care" --

"In Tel-Aviv excellent
massage + body from
a beautiful Israeli girl
no sex + parking
[tel aviv & mobile phone numbers]"

Where do I start? "excellent massage + body"? "alternative care"? Nah.

I was so curious about the "no sex + parking" bit that I tried calling both numbers (prudently hiding my own with *43) ... and there was no answer, but after a few tries I got through to the young lady on her cell phone. A sweet voice answered, and when I asked her name, she told me. "H" sounded like she was in her twenties.

I told her I saw her ad in the paper, and she immediately said, "Oh, but this is erotic massage, and we don't do women." "We?" Did I mishear her? Maybe.

I asked, why then if it was erotic massage, did the ad say "no sex"?

"Because there is relief in the end."

Oh yeeaaaaah ... the "happy ending" of lore, immortalized (for me) by the tv show "Mind of the Married Man".

Hey, I have nothing against "happy endings". I have been known (well, perhaps "known" is inaccurate) to enjoy the rare one myself. Too rare, if I may be frank.

I must emphasize the sweet sound of H's voice, because there was no feeling of rough trade on the other end. I imagined a university student just trying to make ends meet.

Anyway, I did tell her I thought "no sex + parking" sounded funny in English, and she said it sounded the same in Hebrew, but I never did manage to find out if it had some special meaning. Obviously, I'd be useless as a reporter: the main question remained unasked!

But I did ask how much she charges, and guys, it's really quite reasonable: just NIS 200 (about US$43) for 40 minutes.

Or until, um, relief.