maybe they're just not that into me

Rebecca Traister has written another great article for Salon exploring the psyche of the bestseller "He's Just Not That Into You," which asks women to take a tough look at why they're not getting the attention they think they deserve from the men whose attention they want. She tries really hard to look squarely at the reality, but in the end we find her still buying into the fairy tale "Sex and the City" ending where Big appears out of left field and sweeps Carrie off her feet.

How easy it is to view other people's myopia with 20:20 vision.

The parallels between job-hunting and man-hunting are there in my face all the time. The companies you want to work for are like the men you want to be with.

First interviews can be a lot like first dates. You think you killed, and then they never call again. But you convince yourself that they must have lost your phone number and are desperate to contact you, so you call them and say, "What's up?" And they say, "Not much. We really like you, but we're busy this week. We'll be in touch."

And that's the last you hear.

Or you get that second date -- I mean interview -- and you really put out this time. You do their tests, their sample assignments, their psychological and security clearances. And then they keep you dangling for a few weeks. A phone call or an email every few days, keeping your hope alive so that you don't move on and take that other job. The situation saps your energy so much that you don't even send out signals -- er, resumes -- to anyone else.

And still, you ask yourself: Should I call them? Maybe they will suddenly realize that I am The One. Maybe they're on the fence, and this phone call will make all the difference.

NO! Face it, they're just not that into you! If they were, they would have called within 24 hours of that first interview, or immediately after receiving that incredible piece of work you did for them. If they lost your resume, they would have found your phone number even if your name were Smith and they needed a team of assistants to comb through the phone directory.

Sadly, the indifference to timely telephone contact with a candidate is a huge indicator of [lack of] interest in hiring them.

As with dating.

You can be aggressive, you can take the initiative, but it's not likely to pay off any more than a barrage of phone calls will woo a prospective employer. If they're not into you, in the end you'll be lucky if you get a rejection letter; more often than not, you just never hear from them again.

The question starts as a whisper, but soon becomes a banging nag: Is it time to move on?