we begin the week with a hysterical interlude

This just in: 9:05 a.m., phone rings. It's the nice HR woman from company no. 1.
CALM DOWN!

[As if I'd forgotten all about her]: "How are you?"

"I've been trying to reach [your reference} and left him a voice mail last week but he hasn't gotten back to me, and he's not answering now either. Have you got his cell phone number?"

"Um, no, he never gave me one."

JESUS, I KNEW IT, HE'S DIED AND NOW I'LL NEVER GET A JOB.

"I'll try to find his phone number at home, and I'll get back to you."

Called information, got the number easily, thank god, his wife answered. He was still home, "confirming" my suspicion that he's been home ill, and that's why I've heard NOTHING. Why else would this compulsively punctual person still be at home at 9:05???

"How are you? Is everything okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine."

"Oh, good, I was a bit worried."

OOPS, WRONG THING TO SAY, WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME??

"What? Why?"

"Because I was waiting to hear back from these companies, and I knew you would email me if they called you and I heard nothing, and then I got a call this morning from one of them who said she's 'been trying to reach you --"

[A bit huffily]: "I got ONE message, late Thursday, and didn't have time to return the call."

"Oh, oh, oh, it's just me, I'm beside myself waiting to hear from these people and it's just dragging on so long, so sorry, so sorry, not you at all, no pressure whatsoever, but here's her cell phone number, whenever it's convenient. Have a lovely day!"

"I'll call her sometime this morning."

"Oh great, thank you so much."

God, how desperate did THAT sound?
So much for the dim hope of keeping this process dignified.