Saturday, February 25

happiness isn't normal

Periodically, my mother feels compelled to ask me if I'm happy. I unfailingly reassure her that I am not, and remind her that this is not my goal, expectation or purpose in life.

Sure, from time to time, I have that fleeting feeling of all being temporarily well, a wonderful pain-free experience when I've had enough sleep, my hormones are not causing some sadistic havoc, and my husband and daughter are not hitting or screaming at each other. Oh, and it's a weekend.

Those infrequent moments are fondly contemplated, even relished if I'm conscious enough to truly appreciate them, but they don't come together often enough to be thought of as happiness in your general terms. And how could one truly enjoy them if they were there all the time, anyway?

No, I'm a firm believer in the Life Sucks / Shit Happens school of thought, and I remain pleasantly surprised by the exceptions to this rule.

Now there's a new self-help book, apparently a bestseller, which is notable for it's first sentence: "People suffer." Its premise: Instead of trying to make life's suffering and negativity go away, we should acknowledge that the crap will always be there, and concentrate on living according to our values. Of course, there's that tiny problem of never having been trained to identify our values, but only those things that (we think) will make us feel good. You can read Rebecca Traister's Salon interview with author Steven Hayes, or the Time article about his book and "new" theory.

Life is suffering. DUH. This is not news. Does the name Buddha ring a bell? But now they're calling it "third-wave" psychology, and "acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT)".

There's nothing new on the self-help shelf -- it's all just good reminders inside fresh covers. One of my favorite books of all time is nearly 30 years old. It's called, The Road Less Travelled, by M. Scott Peck, and it begins like this:

"Life is difficult.

"This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult -- once we truly understand and accept it -- then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters."

Not that I'm so enlightened as to claim that it no longer matters for me, but I do accept the truth of this, and my goal, if I have one, is that some day it won't. Matter, that is.

5 Comments:

At 25/2/06 17:25, Blogger SavtaDotty said...

This is how my ongoing dialog with Depression goes:
Me: Life sucks!
D: Of course. It always will and there's nothing you can do about it.
Me: Not accurate. Sometimes it doesn't, and anyhow I have to do something, so I'll do the best I can. And if I keep busy, I won't even notice for a while.
D: Just toddle along for now. I'll be back.
Me: I know. Bye for now.

 
At 28/2/06 12:51, Blogger squarepeg said...

But "not happy" does not necessarily equal depression. It can simply mean "not content with situation normal", and of course may contain fleeting moments of contentment ... as well as the odd free-floating depression.

 
At 3/3/06 10:32, Blogger Liza said...

Savta dotty: I have the same dialog with depression quite often. Well said!

Squarepeg: Nice to see you writing again. And, just to keep you writing, I've just tagged you! Enjoy! :-)

 
At 8/3/06 23:52, Blogger Lioness said...

I oscilate between knowing this and scary Polyanna-ish moments. Maybe I'm manic-depressive. Actually, said moments are usually followed by Savtadotty's ongoing dialogue, but thankfully they are very rare. I don't think we should even try to be happy all the time, that amount of endorphines would kill us for sure, directly or not.

[Hi! I've been awayish, thought I was back but apparently not. Do you know, the other day I was thinking abt our conversation at that gas station, when you came to see me, and I was thinking how nice it would be to be able to have one again, minus all the madness surrounding it. One day I'll be back though, that much is certain.]

 
At 11/3/06 00:46, Blogger squarepeg said...

Dear Lioness, lovely to hear from you ... I do look forward to our next visit, but not I hope under the glaring lights of a gas station snack bar! (I'll bring candles next time, and hopefully it won't need to be *&^%$winter!)
The Algarve, perhaps? :)

 

Post a Comment

<< Home