aura of green and purple

Well, the cleaning lady never showed up. She was supposed to come yesterday too, and told us only at the last minute that she didn't feel well. Why am I relieved? Oh yeah, having a stranger move your stuff around and spreading cleaning chemicals everywhere is stressful. I'm perfectly fine with having her here once in three weeks, but Mr. S is cleaning-obsessed. I'm the opposite; I have a strange affection for my own dust and grunge, and don't like it to be disturbed too often, nor to be the one who disturbs it. Yes, it's one of life's conundrums.

So, on to the report on the aura-reader. How shall I tell this? I was there for 2 hours. First, his Kirlian camera wasn't working so he couldn't take a picture of me with my aura, but his computer program was still okay, and it was fitted with a 5-finger sensor attachment where you put your hand, allowing the program to display your aura on the screen (and for printout) around the form of a person, so that you can see where it would be on you. My aura showed green all over my body and a diffuse purple-pink cloud a little way above my head. Right in the area of my heart or solar plexus was a strong blue area, and all the chakras in a vertical line below that point, down to the crotch area, were fuzzy spots of mostly yellow.

The interpretation of these colors: The green everywhere, he said, indicates first and foremost that I'm a very emotionally-based, good-hearted person with a strong desire to help people, a healer by nature. The blue around my heart indicates an area with a deep wound that requires healing. The purple-pink cloud up above my head is the sign of a strong connection with spirit, strong intuitive abilities. To teach me by means of comparison, he showed me another picture of a person with a much smaller, well-defined purple dot immediately above their head and said this was a very focussed "third eye" -- the same as my intuitive indication, but more focussed or developed. That person also had very well-defined points of color at each chakra, whereas mine were fuzzy and in some cases, near the bottom, almost invisible. This indicates lack of grounding, over-emotionality, difficulty with focus perhaps. I'm not too sure about that part. He said I am a good communicator and I am meant to help people. I told him that people usually bug me too much to be that kind of a person. He said this is the nature of my heart wound, that I can't trust people.

Basically, there was no new and asounding information here for me -- the problem remained: what to do about it? He had me lay down on his table and he covered me with a blanket and tucked me in on all sides. This was good, because the air conditioning was on iceberg setting. Then he sat beside me and talked me through a guided meditation like a walk in the woods along a beautiful path, fields, flowers, stream, treasure box, lake, etc. and I didn't find it helpful. I was sad, annoyed, frustrated. He asked me several times what I was feeling, and I told him. He asked me about the source of my frustration and I found tears flowing, though it was hard to really have a good cry while lying on my back. Eventually I felt lighter, but I don't know if this is something that has stayed ... we'll see. I'm already pretty stressed out again this evening with the fight over homework with my daughter, complicated by her father's tough stance.

Finally, this led into more personal conversation that I wasn't entirely comfortable with, and I'm rather uncomfortable relating it here, but I will. This is difficult: it would seem that he fell in love with me at first sight. He said he felt like he was meeting someone who he'd known forever, like he'd found a pearl, that he wanted to be with me. This wasn't shocking to me -- as I said, I'm open to the paranormal, and I'm willing to suppose that he was perceiving a dimension that I couldn't -- but I also couldn't say it was mutual, because for me he was just a kind old man with a spiritual healing gift that I was hoping might help me. There was no sex appeal whatsoever, and whatever anyone might think -- sexual attraction in some form is the power that gets interpreted as connection. Whatever he was feeling and interpreting in a spiritual manner was, I believe, first perceived through his sexual/sensual perception. Not that there's anything wrong with that. But, to be honest, it was a bit creepy, and probably would have been even if he was a young hottie; I still would have been very suspicious at the powerful-connection, out-of-the-ordinary, soulmate sort of attraction. It's an ideal, it's a dream, but I guess I've become a tad too cynical to believe in it anymore, even if I felt it myself ... I might go with it, but I'd have trouble really buying into it. Truth is, I wish I had felt it; but the powerful attraction was not reciprocal. This seemed to be an important part of why I was there; as he said, I wasn't simply another client to him.

It is nice to know he is there as an advisor/counselor if I want one, and perhaps I will keep in touch. I still don't know what to do with whatever came out of this session today, if anything. I can't say if it helped any more than a session with a therapist who validates what you already know about yourself. Maybe a little more. He told me my work is not rightly in the field of technical writing, where I'm looking for a job, but in a more healing or communicative work. Only problem is, that's where the money is, and that's the main reason for working, in my view. Still, it's something to keep in mind.