girding up my loins

Going back to work tomorrow after a blissful 9-day break (which only cost me 4 days of hard-earned holiday hours, since the rest was weekends plus 1 Pesach day off). Taking 3 days to go to the Kinneret and just lay around was a great idea. The air there was marvelous, and just looking out at the lake (even though we didn't go in) had a very calming influence. It was great to see my daughter happy to just lay in the sun by the pool; in fact, it was great to just see her generally happy, for a change not demanding something other than what she's getting. Too bad her mood changed the minute we left the hotel and headed home.

Being away from the office for such a long time has relieved me of the office identity, at least temporarily, and that's a weight off me. The petty office concerns, the tedium, the gossip and the personalities that loom large when the office has taken over my life from morning till night all recede when home life becomes the main event.

The week before Pesach was a horrible, pressured week, with enormous efforts made toward providing an important client with required documentation. What made the week so unpleasant was that too many burnt-out, over-burdened people have been having trouble focussing, meaning that there was a lot of wasted energy. The people I was working with needed a holiday worse than I did, but they weren't given the option. Although many companies either give employees the week off during Pesach, or at least let them work shorter hours, neither was offered at our company, and I'm sure that this will prove to be false economy on their part. What looked like a cheerful group of people three months ago is looking increasingly haggard to me. But that's the sort of perspective I tend to have after three months, so who knows?

In any case, while I'm none too pleased about returning to the tedium tomorrow, I'm feeling rather disengaged from the fray, and hope to maintain some of that going back in. I've been getting bitchy and critical and I hate that side of me. I really liked myself better being sort of naive and on my best behavior. It's hard to keep up that facade though; the cynical loafer is always fighting to get out.

It's also been good to have a rest from my boss, who seemed to be getting more and more tightly wound as the days went on. She's got a thick armor normally, but in the week before Pesach she was getting more walled-up than usual. I suspect there are many factors behind the scenes, both personally and professionally, that she's trying to hold together. I keep my distance. Will be interesting to see if the week off has taken the edge off or made her worse. Some people don't do holidays all that well.