nobody does riots like the brits

"Slicha! Yesh tor!"

That's how the self-righteous Israeli admonishes queue-jumpers. "Hell-llooooo! There's a line!" It's usually enough, especially when backed up with another couple of irate customers.

Urbane Israelis frequently compare their low "queue-IQ" to that of the super-polite Brits (not to mention Canadians). What passes for a lineup in this country is characteristically wider than it is long, since people are always worried about someone with more hutzpa than them getting ahead (likewise when driving on the highways).

Apparently, though, the stereotype of the terminally correct Brit is just a little off the mark. Or maybe it's just the effect Ikea tends to have on the nervous system.

As exciting as Ikea openings are, I can't imagine Israelis trampling each other to buy furniture -- and Israelis LOOOOOOOOOVE buying furniture. Four years ago, the chain opened its first (and still only) store here in Netanya, the next town north of us, just a 15-minute drive away. The lineups were legendary. I've still never seen anything like it (including the time I took my daughter to "meet" Hilary Duff at a mall outside of Toronto).

It was during the Pesach holiday -- an especially feverish season for household purchases -- and I heard that people waited in the heat for two hours to get into the store. I went on the third or fourth day after the opening and the queue -- which was wide but controlled with ropes in a maze-like arrangement -- was still about 45 minutes. I guess Israelis see such things as "events" -- it's got the novelty factor, but it's nothing to get serious about. In the life-and-death course of Israeli events, this sort of thing qualifies as "shtuyot" -- minor stuff, nonsense.

Not the Brits though. The people who gave us Hillsborough have done it again at the opening this week of a new Ikea store in North London, as a result of advertising promising cheap couches. "Five people are in hospital today after hundreds were crushed as the opening of England's biggest Ikea store turned into a riot."

Guess that makes our rude little queues look pretty well-behaved.